I guess using a phrase like "muttonhead" makes me seem old.

Ah.. yes... dialup.. I remember those "good" old days.
And AOL was the dialup of dialups.
AOL dialup was the over-extended foreplay for us back in the day.
Waiting... waiting... waiting... for that 20 kB photo of a girl
just barely splattered with mud to download.
Then, finally, when the final pixel was added -

-- it was time to delete and start downloading the next pic.

Anyway, I DO still have THE VERY first sexy photo I downloaded
from the internet. I don't recall whether it was pre-2002,
when I had dialup, or post-2002, high speed. Probably pre-2002.
Possibly 2000.

Almost certainly either MudPuddle Visuals or MessyFun, which I found at about the same time. This would have been '95 or '96. A lot of stills from mud wrestling videos that MPV had either made or collected, and the stills that MessyFun had on the front page: girls in the Texas mud quarries, or in bathtubs full of chocolate; probably some pie shots as well.